MADNESS!isgenius

Every year, I fight the urge to drop out. It’s not what I want, it’s not who I am. It simply does not interest me. It keeps me confined, it makes me miserable. The longer I stay here, the more I lose myself - pieces of me are stripped away, my identity is rotting. I start to lose myself in the crowd. I’m not 1 in a million. I’m only one in the millions. I understand the long term benefits of a higher education and I do understand how privileged I am to even be able to be miserable over this choice. But how is this a privilege when I am doing something I did not choose to do? When every day, I am constantly reminded that I am here, not by choice. And why? Why did I have to start a certain time and why do I have to finish at a certain time? Why am I living on someone else’s timeline? I thought the longer I waited it out, the better it would get - at least that’s what everyone told me. But I find the longer I’m here, the more my mental well-being is being tested. Do not fall under depression. I find myself less sociable - I don’t want to be around any of you people, I no longer relate to you. I have no motivation, no drive. I live each day in a daze, I’m losing clarity of the world around me. The only thing I look forward to each day is sleeping. Maybe that’s why I have such an infamous reputation for being a  sleeping queen (“I don’t know anyone who sleeps as much as you do”). Some call it laziness, others are concerned it’s a disease. I call it my escape. My only escape from my real life of redundancy, of normalcy. At least in my sleep, I’m able to do everything that is I wanted to do. I get to live life exactly the way I would have if I had the freedom to choose.